Imprint
by Celeb Ryu
Summary: When Hakkai brings home red flowers, Gojyo has a breakdown. Set between those two years when they lived together. GojyoHakkai


_You hold the answers deep within your own mind.  
Consciously, you've forgotten it.  
That's the way the human mind works.  
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it.  
We erase it from our memories.  
But the imprint is always there._

Understanding by Evanescence

Imprint 

Series: Saiyuki

Timeline: During the two years that Hakkai and Gojyo lived together

Pairing: Hakkai/Gojyo

Rating: Pg-13

Author's Note: This was based on a roleplay I did with my friend Hyatt a long time ago. I was listening to this song, and it reminded me of it, and I wanted to write a piece based on the basic idea behind the two.

It was supposed to be a good evening. Or at least, that's what Hakkai had planned. He had fixed a nice meal, and even had gone out to get some well-needed groceries. After all, it wasn't likely that Gojyo would ever do so, unless he needed some cigarettes, of course.

While he was out, he had stopped at a small flower shop, looking over some of the various choices when he spotted some stunning red flowers. They were the perfect things to add some color in their otherwise dull apartment. And without even giving it a second thought, he purchased them.

Now all there was left to do was to wait for Gojyo to finish his nightly rituals of drinking and gambling, and come home.

Eventually, he did just that, coming through the doors, about to launch into some story about the victims he had cheated money out of that evening when he saw them.

Flowers.

_Red flowers._

Instantly, his whole body stiffened, and the mood shifted from a happy, carefree one to a dangerously cold one.

"Why?" was the only world to escape the half-breed as he made his way towards the table that the red flowers now resided upon, within a vase that Hakkai must of purchased at one point or another- Gojyo knew it didn't belong to him.

And in an instant, Hakkai realized that for once, he had made an error. He had forgotten what effect the flowers might have on his lover's psyche. "Gojyo," he whispered softly, trying to reach for the other man.

Gojyo flinched, backing away from Hakkai. Of course, it wasn't him he was seeing anymore. All he saw, all he heard were the memories he had tried so hard to repress.

_These flowers, they're filthy, red, just like that bitch's blood._

_Your blood, your hair, it's just like hers. Filthy. _

_I can't look at you without thinking of that filthy woman._

Letting out a frustrated yell, Gojyo made a swing at the table, knocking down the face and flowers, watching as they shattered onto the ground, some of the glass cutting his hand in the process.

"Gojyo," Hakkai tried to keep his voice as calm as possible as he carefully stepped over the glass, making his way over to the other man, more determined to help him now, before he did any more damage to their home, or even worse, himself.

The redhead didn't hear him, but instead crumpled to the floor, breathing heavily, flinching, as if he was being hit. Why didn't she stop? Didn't she know he only wanted her to be happy?

Slowly, the brunette wrapped his arms around the redhead's waist, pulling him close. "She's not here. She can't hurt you anymore, Gojyo. I'm not going to let her," Hakkai whispered softly. Anyone else might have been offended or put off, seeing their lover like that, but not Hakkai. He knew what it was like to have memories that would never, ever stop hurting. All you could do was push them aside, and try to ignore them as best as possible. And when moments like this did come up, hope there was someone else there to help pick up the pieces.

Finally, after what seemed like a decade, Gojyo spoke again, in an almost broken sounded voice. "I didn't care what she did, I just wish…I just wish she had stopped crying. Why couldn't anything I do stop her crying?"

For once, Hakkai was unsure of what to say. He didn't know the answer, and that bothered him. So instead, he just ran his fingers through the other man's hair, trying to soothe him. "It's not your fault."

"Why?"

"Why is not your fault?"

"No, why does it still hurt, even now, after all these years?"

Soft hands reached to brush against the scars that covered the side of the half-breed's face. "Because they are part of you, as much as you might try to ignore them, they are always there"

"Like Kanan is with you?"

A pause. "Yes"

Gojyo fell silent after that, scooting closer to the man, resting his head in Hakkai's lap, like a child might, trying to allow the soft hands brushing through his hair comfort him. They stayed like that for a long time until Gojyo fell asleep, and then Hakkai as well.

When they awoke the next morning, neither one of them said a word about what had happened, but as they began to clean up the mess of the flowers and glass, they both knew that this memory would be another that would go unforgotten.

It was just another imprint to add to their collections.

_But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten._


End file.
